The Great Trade-Off
Now Playing: A New Wrinkle in My Established Format
Note: A week or so ago, I considered the possibility of exploring a broader range of topics here on my blog. Up to now, I've stuck almost exclusively to movies, but I thought I might try to write something more personal, just to see if anyone would care. Should I continue doing stuff like this? Let me know either way.

Remember that scene in the movie YOU CAN COUNT ON ME when the bank manager, played by Matthew Broderick, takes one of his employees to task for using garish colors for her computer desktop? Anyone who has had a job will almost certainly be able to tell a story similar to this. An applicable example from my job occurred only a few days ago.

I was at the theatre (where I work as a projectionist, for those who don't know) when I had a few minutes free near the end of a long and fairly uneventful shift. I was talking to a friend, and together we decided that I should jokingly change a few of the first names on the projection schedule- hers, mine, and that of a mutual friend who we figured would take it in the right spirit. So I made the changes, saved the file, and then went back to what I was doing. No big deal, I thought.

Yesterday, I was taken aside by one of my superiors and received a stern talking-to about my "unprofessional conduct." Turns out a manager opened up the projection schedule (which is seen by roughly ten people a week) to check something, and was put off by my joke. She informed my manager about the incident, and he spoke with me about it. I agreed with him that, yes, it was a silly thing to do. What I didn't grasp was how this could possibly be construed as a big deal.

We eventually worked this thing out, and I assured everyone involved that I wouldn't do something like this again. But my point here is that, to most reasonable people, this wouldn't really be a problem, but somehow it was treated as such. I can relate at least dozen other incidents of a similar nature (at least in the broader sense- I don't make a habit of changing the schedule) in my five years at the theatre. I generally see myself as being a good worker- punctual, loyal, diligent, prepared to put in extra effort for the greater good. I'm occasionally prone to blowing off a little steam through silliness, but we have to keep the atmosphere light, right?

Somehow, it seems that these incidents (call them innocuous behavior or lapses in judgment, depending on your viewpoint) have colored the higher-ups' perception of me as much as, if not more than, my work ethic. I have been repeatedly passed over for promotions largely due to "professionalism," or lack thereof. I'm a university graduate who possesses no small degree of intelligence (not to toot my own horn or anything) and I'm still working a low-paying job I got when I was still going to college.

Why do I stay? The easy answer would be money or loyalty, but I could make more money at another job and be just as loyal to them. No, I've stuck around this long largely because this job gives me health insurance. As I've told people in the past, "if I ever get sick or hurt, I want to get treated without paying for it for the rest of my life."

This is strange, when I think about it, since I've never had any broken bones, I've never been seriously ill, and I've never even spent the night in the hospital. I don't even think about getting hurt or sick that often. But I know that I need health insurance anyway because, well, "you just never know."

In the months following 9/11, I saw the freedoms we used to take for granted get compromised because of the fearful atmosphere of our nation. Yet most people didn't really mind, because the greater restrictions placed on society made people feel safer. Never mind that we were encouraged to inform on those of whom we felt suspicious, or that air travel became much more of a chore- we now had a greater sense of security. As I said at the time, "people will trade away damn near anything for an increased sense of security."

And now here I am, in that same boat, devoting nights and weekends (when most people my age are resting or socializing) to a job that gives me little soul satisfaction and often frustrates me, but lines my pockets and could potentially defray some of my medical expenses. I know all about the trade-off that people have been making for years, even more so since 9/11, and still I buy into it myself. Does this make me a coward, or a hypocrite, or, as a more pragmatic person might put it, merely an adult?

I'd love to be able to examine the possible answer to that question, but it's getting late, and I have to work tomorrow morning.

Footnote: If you want me to write more personal entries in the future, I encourage you to send in questions for me to answer. Good getting-to-know-you questions would be ideal for something like this- "optimist or pessimist?" is more suitable to this than, say, asking me when I lost my virginity. But be creative, by all means. I'll address every question you guys send me, and I'll answer every one I feel ought to be answered.