Alien vs. Predator - *
Now Playing: (2004, Paul W.S. Anderson) [seen in theatre]
Remember back in middle school, how there was always some kid who would always drool over the idea of two fictional characters fighting? Sometimes these kids grow out of this phase into a more comfortable and less WWF-minded level of geekdom, and occasionally they don't and become Paul "Not Thomas" Anderson. Part of the problem with this movie is that, while most of these "battles of the titans" take place between one-of-a-kind legends (Freddy vs. Jason, Godzilla vs. Mothra/Mechagodzilla/King Kong/Jean Reno), Predators and (Giger-designed) Aliens are actually species, so that even if one team roundly defeats the other in battle, it's not like the losing party would be wiped out or anything. This decreases the stakes, I'd say, to say nothing of lacking a side to root for. I guess we're supposed to care for the humans, but nobody comes to a movie like this for the people unless they're getting killed in cool ways. Speaking of, the film wastes wayyyyyyyyyyy too much time setting up the human story, laboring endlessly and torturously on an excuse to get them into the path of the monsters (the business with the Predator-guns is particularly snooze-worthy). Also, I've never been a big fan of the PREDATOR movies, so my main interest here was as an ALIEN fan, and on this front I was highly let down. I take it as an item of faith that the Giger alien is one of the most frightening (if not THE most frightening) creatures ever put on film, which has been more than enough to see me through four ALIEN movies, including two rather subpar outings, and still wanting more. But in AvP, the Aliens just aren't scary. Maybe it's that by filming them in action much of their shadowy mystery is lost, or perhaps it's because PnTA doesn't find a new wrinkle on them, but I just wasn't scared when they were onscreen. It couldn't have been because the film was PG-13, could it?